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I just can’t get along with my mother

When you just can’t see eye to eye with your parent. I always see it coming. I answer the phone or call my mother and the tone I first hear when she picks up indicates the kind of conversation we’re going to have. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not innocent here. I don’t keep in touch as much as she likes as I don’t feel that bond that I so enviously see other ladies have with their mums. She’s already said that she can’t be the mum that I need, so we’re forging the relationship to the best of our ability, but it just isn’t working.

We’re 5 minutes into an already strained conversation and I’m sure at this point that we’re both trying not to piss each other off. There are awkward silences and forced words between us so that we can pretend like everything’s okay. Then it comes, a stance, accusation or comment that is accusatory and as God is my witness, it’s usually this point that I react – like a firework going off. All she has to do is light that fuse and stand back and glare at me as though she doesn’t know why I’m popping off like a crazy woman. It’s all innocent on her part, the passive aggressive comments were never meant. I just took them the wrong way, so she says for the third time in the last 6 months. I’m then annoyed that she still tries to control me and then act innocent and like I’m irrational. It’s a continuous circle and our relationship hangs on by a thread. At this point, I’m not sure that we’re going to make it. I want to make it work because she is my mother and I want to do the right thing. I don’t want to let God down. But everything is so. darn. forced. It almost feels like we’re not compatible.

How can we recover from this cycle and find new ways of being that aren’t based on acts of obligation rather than genuinely liking one another? Please don’t get me wrong, we love each other, but it never seems to be shown in the way the other person would like. I speak to my mother out of obligation to her and to God, but I want to reconcile our relationship out of my love for God.

How, if at all can we make this work? Any tips?

Yours always,

Shay