What is it like to blog about unspoken issues?
What is it like to blog about the unspoken issues in my life? I think the question is more about how do I write and talk about the scariest, most vulnerable aspects of my life, and then put it out there for all to see. It’s not easy, especially as I write in the moment. I’ve only just put my written blogs up, but I’ve been writing them over a 13 year period. And I still live in those moments because I’m still dealing with the repercussions of many of the things I’ve been through and done. It’s partly a release to get the things that seem to eat me alive on the inside off my chest. But it can also be a bit damaging to pour over every aspect of what’s bothering me in detail. Like everything in life, there’s positives and negatives. Yet, somehow, I feel like I have been through everything that I have because that’s my purpose in life – that’s why I was born to the parents that I was, in the year that I was, in the place that I was. I feel like The Unspoken Club is part of my destiny. However, destiny or not – I’m still a bit nervous. It’s scary, yes, but honestly I’ve lived my life leaving things unspoken for decades, and honestly, I have never felt better than when I’m writing about my experiences for the one person out there who feels like me.
I guess my biggest fear is that I’ll have been emotionally vulnerable and put it all out there, for everyone to see and it will have helped no one. It’s a slim chance, but if these posts were to be seen by anyone who knows my family, my husband, my kids, my mother, the things that I speak about might seriously hurt them. So it’s a big gamble to try and relate to or help that one person out there in this world who may be feeling how I feel – if they exist, when I could potentially be putting it all out there only to cause pain to my family.
Beyond this issue, I don’t want to say that in terms of actually blogging that it’s easy for me. I am not good with visual communication and speaking to people in general, let alone putting things on the internet – I’m not good at actually picking up a video recorder to record vlogs. I don’t take selfies and I don’t document my life on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. It’s not within my nature to do these things no matter how hard I try. And despite the fact that I’d rather write because it easily allows me the time to think and edit, it’s taken me over a decade to start putting my posts up on this site.
Plus, it’s not easy to receive criticism – criticism on so many levels. I‘m not a super star blogger, so there’s room for criticism there, I’m a spiritual person so I might instantly put people off, oh – and let’s not forget the fact that I’m an ex-stripper who’s had an abortion and has an STD! I’m sure I’m the poster girl for everything that could be judged badly by others. But, argghhhh! It is what it is. Hence, welcome to The Unspoken Club. And if you are that person, that one person that I’m talking to about my problems so that we can help each other by sharing the pain and support and encouragement and other to be able to heal, please do let me know in the comment section below that you’re out there so I don’t feel so alone.
Sending love your way.